In order for you to “take back” your dating life again, you must first see how you lost control of it in the first place.
Think back to those first attempts you made to win over some girl you liked. Those first awkward moments when you got shot-down asking some co-worker or classmate for a date. It sucked, right? And as time went on you slowly fell into a role where you were ‘hoping’ to ‘get’ something from them that they controlled and therefore they (women) decided what the terms would be. They became the keepers of the gate and you became the guy begging for entrance.
Well, continue that arc another five or more years after high school, or worse yet, after a woman has gone through a bad divorce.. and the situation only gets worse with most western women. Instead of her unconsciously toying with your fawning attention she eventually graduates to outright making DEMANDS. And if her demands are not met, you do not get entry to her little secret garden.
I had this best-buddy I’d known since junior-high. He was like a brother to me. (passed away a few years ago.) And for all those years I became close friends with his sister. In fact she rented a room at my place for a while, which gave us lots of time to talk. And we talked about everything. She was fairly hot and her daughter was a hottie as well. And this is what she had to say about her daughter’s dating filtration mode as a hot-girl..
For one thing, guys hit on her all the time. So she was pretty jaded about guys telling her how ‘beautiful’ she was by the time she hit 20. When some nice-guy would ask her out or try to get her attention, she said she would purposely “treat him like crap”. Why? Because in her ditzy calculations, she felt that since she was “all that”, a guy should have to buy her stuff and take her to really nice places before she even thought about putting out.
Well, guess how things went for her? The ‘nice guys’ coughed up the gifts and nice dates only to be frustrated by her never-ending demands and flakiness.. so they would leave and look elsewhere. Meanwhile she sat back and admired the new phone she got or bills these guys paid off for her. End result, she never kept a ‘nice guy’ and she in turn would chase after the guys who treated her like crap.
Does this sound familiar? The guys who went begging at the gate, the guys who jumped through
her hoops.. she had no respect for. The only guys she respected were the guys who had their own life going and could take her or leave her. They had stuff to do. Interesting stuff. And if she played hard to get when they went out to the river or to listen to a live band.. they went without her and met someone else in the process. This would drive her nuts.
Now, you will hear some “dating gurus” tell you that the solution to this is to be an a-hole and treat hot women like crap. Yah, that works on ditzy, insecure girls. But unless you’re just in it for a quick lay, is that really the type of woman you want to hitch your wagon with? Quality women with a brain don’t deal with a-holes. So if you take the ‘guru’ route, you will only find yourself with low quality girls who have daddy-issues. And I guarantee you those women will make your life harder, not better.
The better solution? Focus on what makes YOU happy. Focus on building up your own wealth. Do you know what more money in your wallet means? It means more opportunity. Opportunity to go to interesting places and do interesting things. Women love a man who is “about something“. Ever notice how women flock to firemen, cops, teachers, doctors? It’s not just the money, it’s the fact that the man is “about something“. He’s got stuff to do. And if she can’t give him a straight answer about a date, he will do it without her. And only she will miss out.
So, the first thing you have to do to get out of this beggar-mentality that women have lorded over us is to stop chasing them on THEIR terms. Figure out what makes YOU happy. What are your hobbies? What money do you need for that? You ever been to Italy? Or the Philippines? You ever wanted to spend your time surfing or flying drones? Focus on what you enjoy and before you know it, YOU are that interesting guy who can have a great time with.. or without that hot-girl. I’ve known guys who could pick-up women every Friday night simply because their hobby was square-dancing and they were good at it.
But women can smell desperation on a guy even over a phone call. They HATE to be the person that his happiness depends on. That will send them running. But they love a man who is secure, confidant in what he’s doing and ‘about something“. They have no desire for a guy who has no clue where he’s going or what he’s doing. The kind of woman you want is the kind of woman who wants to FOLLOW a man, not lead him. When women have to lead a man, they end up having little respect for him.
So the shortest path you can take to taking your dignity back in the dating realm is; focus on your own goals and make it happen! Don’t be a beggar at their gate. Be that interesting man. The confidant man who has his own plan for life. Let them know you’re interested, but you are going to do what you’re going to do.. with or without them.
Then.. you will see the tables turn.
Author: Reekay Velez
Living the bachelor life since 2008, started and ran a successful computer repair business and catering company before deciding to travel and live in the Philippines in 2012. Created a successful travel vlog, www.seetheph.com, in 2013 with over 7 million views. Reekay also does a podcast, www.reekayradio.com, and is slated to explore Southeast Asia in 2017 with a tour of Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. He is the chief editor of BachelorLifeCoach.com and is also available for private consults via Skype.