Most guys face this situation eventually. How they handle it can determine their entire future. So it’s something worth taking a look at.
It begins with you, Mister Single Guy, minding your own business when one day you cross paths with some woman who catches your eye. It might be at the mall, online or at a party. But she seems interesting enough that you chat her up and ask her out on a date. Skip forward a few months, and you’re now in an exclusive relationship with her. Maybe even living together. The purpose of this whole dating phase was to see how well the two of you got along. To find out if it’s something ‘real’ that could move onward into marriage.
But then things take a bad turn along the way. That interesting, hot-looking, funny woman you met? Well, now that you’ve spent some time with her and seen her 24/7 as he is when she’s not online or at a party.. she is NOT the woman you thought she was. Maybe she’s neurotic about plants or dogs. Maybe she’s got issues with spending money way beyond her means. Maybe she’s incredibly jealous or worse yet, she treats you like a doormat. (aka; ‘bitch’)
Whatever the issues are, we call those ‘Red Flags’. Just like in football, rules and boundaries have been broken and the red-flags are flying up on a daily basis to tell you, “She is NOT the One.” Maybe she’s the ‘one’ for someone else. But you’re life has turned into a major chore trying to keep her either happy or not turning into a raving lunatic.
At this moment, let me share with you my litmus test on keeping a relationship or not. Ask yourself, in all honesty, the following question;
“Is this woman making my life better.. or harder?”
That’s it. Chances are you already know the answer to this. But I will tell you what many guys I’ve spoken with do. They panic.
They don’t want to face the fact that this woman is a pain in the ass. Why? Simple answer. Because breaking up with her means no more sex. Back to being single and hunting for it on a regular basis. It’s a sad situation but way too many men will let a woman destroy their life, dreams and hopes all because they are addicted to the sex. And even more pathetic.. with time he’s getting less and less sex as she holds it hostage to get what she wants. At this point, a man has let himself become a doormat.
So how do these guys justify staying in a relationship with this controlling beotch? They go into denial. Friends will come up to them and say, “Dude.. you gotta dump this chick. She’s sucking the life out of you, man. You look like crap. Dump her already.” And that’s when the denial kicks into gear. That’s when these guys will say things like, “She’s not always this bad.”. Or, “She’s great in the sack.” Ever hear a woman who is hooked up with a guy who beats her? Same story. Making excuses and ignoring all the evidence that it’s a toxic relationship.
I wish there was one phrase that you could tell a guy in this situation that would make him snap out of it and dump her. There isn’t. If you or a buddy is in this situation, it takes hitting rock bottom and seeing the problem for what it is. Kinda like any other addiction, the doormat guy needs to accept that he’s making his decisions based on his addiction to her vagina and not on what’s best for his life.
Getting back to my ‘rule’.. if you find yourself in this situation where you are in a bad relationship that is making your life harder rather than better, you need to remove her from your life. It’s time to end it. Keep in mind the following;
You don’t need her permission to break up.
You don’t need to ‘talk it out’ one more time.
If YOU decide it’s over.. it’s over. The rest is just a matter of getting her crap out of your apartment, blocking her on social media and getting back to enjoying your life WITHOUT her making it an unbearable ordeal. Remember those days? Going where you want. Returning when you felt like it. Enjoying your free time. Not needing permission.. and definitely not getting an earful of crap just because some ex-girlfriend ‘Liked’ your photo on Facebook.
I go into this in more detail in the following video. If you have a buddy who needs to hear this, take him to a burger place and tell him to stop the madness. Let him know you got his back and will help get her out of his life. He might resist it. He might even get pissed that you are putting him on the spot to fix his situation. But if he’s your friend.. do it anyway.
Author: Reekay Velez
Living the bachelor life since 2008, started and ran a successful computer repair business and catering company before deciding to travel and live in the Philippines in 2012. Created a successful travel vlog, www.seetheph.com, in 2013 with over 7 million views. Reekay also does a podcast, www.reekayradio.com, and is slated to explore Southeast Asia in 2017 with a tour of Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. He is the chief editor of BachelorLifeCoach.com and is also available for private consults via Skype.